Well, one improvement already and I haven't even joined weight watchers. In the past before starting some new plan I would always spend the days before eating like crazy while I still could. I've THOUGHT about doing that--but when it comes down to it, I haven't really wanted or needed to. Anything I think I might like to eat, I know I can have---even the chili's buffalo wings. In fact, I think I'll make a POINT of eating those boneless buffalo wings (I usually only have them on Christmas) just to prove to myself that I can, so I can relax about it. Also, popcorn, cookies, greek food and pizza. WW is smart about giving people "extra" points every week for just this reason. The notion that regardless of plan, I will NOT allow myself to be hungry is powerful.
Oh boy, committed now. The lady from the insurance just called to welcome me to the "Waist Away" program. I'm free to join weight watchers. I also did look up OA---I really have no excuse. The one group in Ogden meets at the hospital right by my house on Monday nights. I'll start going in two weeks once my Monday night class is finished. I think I'll call WW now, to get started.
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Wednesday, March 30, 2011
All right! all right!
Ugh. I officially weigh more today than I have in years. Something's gotta give, and I guess it needs to be my attitude---not that I'll give it up without kicking and screaming. Yes, I'll join WW--but this time will be different than other attempts (I just hope it's enough different). I'm not just going to swallow this program--I'm going to USE the program as a guide while I thrash out HOW I can live happily eating less and working out more. So, today I will look up OA meetings and start the insurance process so I can be reimbursed for ww.
Back to gratitude--funny how hard that is to maintain----I had a fun train of thought yesterday--pure vanity. I was talking to a friend who happens to have been on ww for years--she is darling, with a short waist and comparitively large hips. I think she looks beautiful, but even at her ideal weight she will always look a bit on the squat side. I, however, will not. I happen to be tall, with very long legs, long waist and perfect porportions. I actually have a stunningly beautiful body (fun to say that!). I'm the person the clothing designers MAKE the clothes for. These thoughts may have been a first--I don't think I've ever sincerely thought about how good looking I am. Fun to think!!!
Back to gratitude--funny how hard that is to maintain----I had a fun train of thought yesterday--pure vanity. I was talking to a friend who happens to have been on ww for years--she is darling, with a short waist and comparitively large hips. I think she looks beautiful, but even at her ideal weight she will always look a bit on the squat side. I, however, will not. I happen to be tall, with very long legs, long waist and perfect porportions. I actually have a stunningly beautiful body (fun to say that!). I'm the person the clothing designers MAKE the clothes for. These thoughts may have been a first--I don't think I've ever sincerely thought about how good looking I am. Fun to think!!!
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
keeping the fruit
Weird day, it's 1:00 and I'm STILL not hungry for lunch. It's very abnormal for me to just skip it, but I think maybe I might. Actually it's 2:00 now--I've had some snap peas and am munching on girl scout cookies because they sound good. My delicious ravioli doesn't sound good at all. I wonder if I AM becoming sick?
Anyway, I wanted to mention that if I do ww, I will keep elements of Lean and Free--a fruit and veggie for lunch and dinner, a fruit (and veggie if I can) for b-fast, and lots and lots of water. That will fit in fine in WW and--with the possible exception of today, I've never felt so well. WW will involve similar obnoxious planning to the LF diet, but at least there is a huge support group plus a nifty little calculator. I'm determined not to go hungry no matter what, but I'm also going to try hard to listen to my body and if I want LESS then to go with that as well. I'm kind of hoping that trying this again might clear my mind--if it's yelling that I WANT three fajitas when I've had enough with one or two---that I can A: recognize I've had enough. B: Put some in the freezer so I can feel secure that it will be there later. C: have enough hope that stopping will actually result in the weight loss that I want so badly. D: Maybe even develop foresight to have the fajitas on a free-bie day because I know they're one of my favorites. OR--advanced technique here---someday realize that I can forgo having as many as I want (assuming I 've had as many as I need) and still be happy, in the same way that I can forgo buying everything at the mall that I want and still be happy. This is a VERY advanced technique that I'm nowhere near ready to adopt--but I'm trying.
Anyway, I wanted to mention that if I do ww, I will keep elements of Lean and Free--a fruit and veggie for lunch and dinner, a fruit (and veggie if I can) for b-fast, and lots and lots of water. That will fit in fine in WW and--with the possible exception of today, I've never felt so well. WW will involve similar obnoxious planning to the LF diet, but at least there is a huge support group plus a nifty little calculator. I'm determined not to go hungry no matter what, but I'm also going to try hard to listen to my body and if I want LESS then to go with that as well. I'm kind of hoping that trying this again might clear my mind--if it's yelling that I WANT three fajitas when I've had enough with one or two---that I can A: recognize I've had enough. B: Put some in the freezer so I can feel secure that it will be there later. C: have enough hope that stopping will actually result in the weight loss that I want so badly. D: Maybe even develop foresight to have the fajitas on a free-bie day because I know they're one of my favorites. OR--advanced technique here---someday realize that I can forgo having as many as I want (assuming I 've had as many as I need) and still be happy, in the same way that I can forgo buying everything at the mall that I want and still be happy. This is a VERY advanced technique that I'm nowhere near ready to adopt--but I'm trying.
Monday, March 28, 2011
Intuitive weight watchers?
Ok, I feel somewhat better. I just came from my wellness class where they talk a lot about intuitive eating. I'm wondering if I can combine that with weight watchers? I like what the Lean and Free and what intuitive eating says about hunger---that is--if it's hunger then EAT. Duh. I've long known that if I only ate when I was hungry that I wouldn't have a weight problem.
On the old ww program I was often hungry. The claim is that this new program is different. Bet not. One thing IS interesting though--no calorie counting! I borrowed Jennifer's points calculator--you enter in protein, fiber, carbs, fats but no calories! That will be a refreshing change. Just for fun, here's what I discovered---sm. movie popcorn (14 pts), Chili's boneless buffalo wings with blue cheese dressing (31 pts), 1 slice great harvest bread--the good stuff (3 pts.), a snickers bar (8 pts), 1/2 pack of lime and chili almonds (5 pts).
Anyway--IF I do it. And I fear I probably will, the temptation to lose weight is just too great-- I am going to do this in a different way. If I'm hungry I WILL eat. I'll plan out 10-15 kinds of snacks in advance--some might be freebies anyway--like tomatoes and onions (I love that), some might have some points like a bowl of oatmeal or a slice of great harvest bread, but if I'm genuinely hungry, I'm going to give myself permission to eat even if it means going over points. I'll do it mostly online--the weekly meetings really bothered me last time, I respond better to print. I won't weigh in every week because I play mind games with the scale. I'll weigh in once a month. I might have to figure out some blow-out days--how frequent those will be, will depend on how much I need to rely on those extra points. I will also re-enroll in Overeater's anonymous and keep focusing on what I know are the real problems. I'll also keep up this blog. Also, I'll ramp up the exercise--I actually don't resent exercise--I don't necessarily like it, but I don't resent it. It's just hard to find the time to do it. I guess if I do it, I'll go into it with the idea of listening to myself far more than I listen to the program. I want the program to help me stop addictive behaviors--eating a lot just because it's habit, or because I think I have some "reason" to eat a lot. Some things to think about anyway.
On the old ww program I was often hungry. The claim is that this new program is different. Bet not. One thing IS interesting though--no calorie counting! I borrowed Jennifer's points calculator--you enter in protein, fiber, carbs, fats but no calories! That will be a refreshing change. Just for fun, here's what I discovered---sm. movie popcorn (14 pts), Chili's boneless buffalo wings with blue cheese dressing (31 pts), 1 slice great harvest bread--the good stuff (3 pts.), a snickers bar (8 pts), 1/2 pack of lime and chili almonds (5 pts).
Anyway--IF I do it. And I fear I probably will, the temptation to lose weight is just too great-- I am going to do this in a different way. If I'm hungry I WILL eat. I'll plan out 10-15 kinds of snacks in advance--some might be freebies anyway--like tomatoes and onions (I love that), some might have some points like a bowl of oatmeal or a slice of great harvest bread, but if I'm genuinely hungry, I'm going to give myself permission to eat even if it means going over points. I'll do it mostly online--the weekly meetings really bothered me last time, I respond better to print. I won't weigh in every week because I play mind games with the scale. I'll weigh in once a month. I might have to figure out some blow-out days--how frequent those will be, will depend on how much I need to rely on those extra points. I will also re-enroll in Overeater's anonymous and keep focusing on what I know are the real problems. I'll also keep up this blog. Also, I'll ramp up the exercise--I actually don't resent exercise--I don't necessarily like it, but I don't resent it. It's just hard to find the time to do it. I guess if I do it, I'll go into it with the idea of listening to myself far more than I listen to the program. I want the program to help me stop addictive behaviors--eating a lot just because it's habit, or because I think I have some "reason" to eat a lot. Some things to think about anyway.
Long way to go!
Oh wow. No wonder I'm having trouble and am tempted by weight watchers. I've been keeping this blog for just over a month and in that time these are the food problems I've encountered. This is only what I wrote down, by no means every poor choice I've made--here we go.
Wildcat room lunch, movie popcorn, roast beef (very high fat), cheddar biscuits, cherry pie, pancake day, Maddox, Saudi Arabian dnner, Funeral lunch, two overeats of pizza, Executive lunch, choc milk-popcorn and cheese, too many waffles, McCools, Girl Scout Cookies, burger fries and lots of fry sauce, work pot-luck, rebellious off-program weekend.
OK. Can I even picture myself making different choices? The burger and fries are a good example--my co-worker on ww, went upstairs that same day and bought a turkey hogi and baked chips. I could have done that, but I simply did not want to. CAN I really do this? CAN I say no to myself??? I seem to be able to use reasonable self-disipline in other areas of my life. Can I do this with food? My history says no, I can't. I'm going to go through each and every one of those problems in my mind and see if I can't visualize making a different choice. In April--there is my birthday, a mystery dinner, a retirement dinner and Easter just for starters.
I've been looking at weight watchers today. Yes, the insurance will reimburse, yes I can have access to the online recipe creator (they charge extra above the membership cost for the online--maddening--if you join online, then you don't get the materials--brother. They ARE a business.) I spoke to Jennifer. She gets 29 points--the lowest a person can get. Huh. Last time I joined I got 25. WITH the extra points they grant every week and WITH exercise points I could scrape by but it was really hard. And it's not like ww is really saying it's ok to have any more---what they give in free fruit they take away with the carbs. WOW--I really have some issues! Just listening to myself--"They" take away this or that--like ww is some evil entity determined to spoil my fun and make endless unreasonable demands. It's really the way it feels. I'm reminded of one of my favorite ZITS cartoons--the parents are just making conversation with their teen--"How was your day? Do you have a lot of homework?" etc. The teen is envisioning himself on the rack and other torture devices. A similar one is the parents laying down some very simple rules for summer and he feels bound and gagged by them. This is exactly how weight watchers feels to me. CAN I realize that the program is not designed to torture me, but to ENABLE me to accomplish something I've never been able to accomplish before? I feel like a lady in a hording show I saw once. This poor lady was having a complete meltdown because she felt as though everything was being taken away from her. That's just how I feel. In this ladies case--yes, about 98% of the junk in her house really did have to go. Food-wise I don't need to get rid of 98% happily, but I need to let go of FAR more than I think I do.
Wildcat room lunch, movie popcorn, roast beef (very high fat), cheddar biscuits, cherry pie, pancake day, Maddox, Saudi Arabian dnner, Funeral lunch, two overeats of pizza, Executive lunch, choc milk-popcorn and cheese, too many waffles, McCools, Girl Scout Cookies, burger fries and lots of fry sauce, work pot-luck, rebellious off-program weekend.
OK. Can I even picture myself making different choices? The burger and fries are a good example--my co-worker on ww, went upstairs that same day and bought a turkey hogi and baked chips. I could have done that, but I simply did not want to. CAN I really do this? CAN I say no to myself??? I seem to be able to use reasonable self-disipline in other areas of my life. Can I do this with food? My history says no, I can't. I'm going to go through each and every one of those problems in my mind and see if I can't visualize making a different choice. In April--there is my birthday, a mystery dinner, a retirement dinner and Easter just for starters.
I've been looking at weight watchers today. Yes, the insurance will reimburse, yes I can have access to the online recipe creator (they charge extra above the membership cost for the online--maddening--if you join online, then you don't get the materials--brother. They ARE a business.) I spoke to Jennifer. She gets 29 points--the lowest a person can get. Huh. Last time I joined I got 25. WITH the extra points they grant every week and WITH exercise points I could scrape by but it was really hard. And it's not like ww is really saying it's ok to have any more---what they give in free fruit they take away with the carbs. WOW--I really have some issues! Just listening to myself--"They" take away this or that--like ww is some evil entity determined to spoil my fun and make endless unreasonable demands. It's really the way it feels. I'm reminded of one of my favorite ZITS cartoons--the parents are just making conversation with their teen--"How was your day? Do you have a lot of homework?" etc. The teen is envisioning himself on the rack and other torture devices. A similar one is the parents laying down some very simple rules for summer and he feels bound and gagged by them. This is exactly how weight watchers feels to me. CAN I realize that the program is not designed to torture me, but to ENABLE me to accomplish something I've never been able to accomplish before? I feel like a lady in a hording show I saw once. This poor lady was having a complete meltdown because she felt as though everything was being taken away from her. That's just how I feel. In this ladies case--yes, about 98% of the junk in her house really did have to go. Food-wise I don't need to get rid of 98% happily, but I need to let go of FAR more than I think I do.
Sunday, March 27, 2011
Tempted!
UGH! I have NOT lost any weight, inches or anything else. Not surprising considering I've been eating more than even the Lean and Free program suggests most of the time. I am feeling sorely tempted to join weight watchers again. People, even me, DO lose weight on the program. And I DO want to lose weight, but blech. They've rolled out a new program which boils down to now you have to watch carbs in addition to everything else. Sounds annoying. The bottom line is that I know I'll be both hungry and bored. Can I accept that I'll be hungry and bored for the length of time it would take to lose the weight? And what about afterwards? I don't want to make a huge effort and then gain it all right back because I never addressed the addiction. WW is mighty reticient about what happens after a person loses weight. Dave's "maintenence" plan is as blah as the original diet. A few more points. Oh whoopee. Maybe after I actually hit my goal weight I can slowly morph onto a more Lean and Free type of lifestyle? SLOWLY would be the key there. On the other hand--how about just following the Lean and Free program now but up the excercise and do it faithfully? ---well. There seems to be a bit too much freedom perhaps--more than I can handle anyway.
The tempting things are that 1: my insurance would actually pay for it. 2. I would lose weight (my husband lost 50 pounds!), 3. I'm going to Aruba in the summer and Hawaii at Christmas--it sure would be fun to be thinner. 4. I really am afraid of diabetes. 5. Maybe if I actually stuck to it my body chemistry would change and I would beat the addiction. 6. I hate the way my clothes are fitting now. Dave bought me some beautiful clothes two years ago that almost fit. I want them to really fit. 7. What if I did WW 6 days a week and had one day to eat as I please? 8. I at least respect the recipies ww comes up with. REALLY good.
Is this a sell out? YES!! I don't WANT WW to be the way to lose weight!! I'm actually teaching a seminar in a few weeks about addressing the core psychological issues that keep us fat. Joining pre-digested programs like WW make it difficult to discover those issues because you can just follow blindly along until the diet self destructs. I'm rationalizing that if I do join I would be an online member (the meetings in Ogden are less than inspiring to put it mildly), and I would also join Overeater's Anonymous again. THOSE are the people who really have the answers.
I'll talk to Jennifer at work tomorrow. I think she's a member. Maybe she'll reveal the great mystery number of how many points I would get before I join up. I also want to know how many points I'd get at my goal weight. (of COURSE they don't tell you that until you pay up first! How silly to even think they would!)
The tempting things are that 1: my insurance would actually pay for it. 2. I would lose weight (my husband lost 50 pounds!), 3. I'm going to Aruba in the summer and Hawaii at Christmas--it sure would be fun to be thinner. 4. I really am afraid of diabetes. 5. Maybe if I actually stuck to it my body chemistry would change and I would beat the addiction. 6. I hate the way my clothes are fitting now. Dave bought me some beautiful clothes two years ago that almost fit. I want them to really fit. 7. What if I did WW 6 days a week and had one day to eat as I please? 8. I at least respect the recipies ww comes up with. REALLY good.
Is this a sell out? YES!! I don't WANT WW to be the way to lose weight!! I'm actually teaching a seminar in a few weeks about addressing the core psychological issues that keep us fat. Joining pre-digested programs like WW make it difficult to discover those issues because you can just follow blindly along until the diet self destructs. I'm rationalizing that if I do join I would be an online member (the meetings in Ogden are less than inspiring to put it mildly), and I would also join Overeater's Anonymous again. THOSE are the people who really have the answers.
I'll talk to Jennifer at work tomorrow. I think she's a member. Maybe she'll reveal the great mystery number of how many points I would get before I join up. I also want to know how many points I'd get at my goal weight. (of COURSE they don't tell you that until you pay up first! How silly to even think they would!)
Saturday, March 26, 2011
looooong walk!
Ugh. Beginnings of a sore throat and runny eyes. It didn't stop me though. I'm proud of myself. Even though I feel fat and more than a little out of control, I at least did my walk--it was the longest walk of my life! Not time-wise--it was two hours long, but it FELT like two days--and I'm pleased because it came at some sacrifice. I've been feeling weird stirrings toward spring housecleaning--possibly a first in my whole life, and I really wanted to spend the day puttering around the house and cleaning. BUT--I haven't been to the temple in ages, and now that I finally have my wallet back I could go. So I did. I put my workout clothes in a bag, went to the temple first thing then walked from the Ogden temple all the way back home. I got home tired and hungry around 12:45 which meant I still had another 45 minutes to walk. UGH! I dumped my bag in the door and hoofed it around the neighborhood. Cleaning urge strong enough (perhaps the house has just tipped even my cleanliness threshold) that I did not take a nap after lunch, instead I did a little of the puttering I wanted to and even mopped the filthy floor. After that I took C to the YW dinner and broadcast--very nice. THEN I finally came home to rest and work on my insanely hard puzzle. My eating wasn't too horrible --I at least managed to refrain from having TWO cupcakes at the dinner--except that I had Dave make me some ice-cream (we gave him a very nifty sorft serve ice-cream maker for Christmas). I usually do not do this--I'm more of a cookie girl, but it looked like it would be so soothing on the throat. I really only wanted about half of what he gave me and I regretted having him put in the m&m's, but I didn't stop. I wonder what could have helped me stop? I DID have the cat on my lap who would have been happy to finish it for me, but I thought it wouldn't do him any good either.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)