Sick Friday weird week ahead

Well, I lost two more pounds by virtue of being super sick on Friday. Friday was my cheat meal. We went to a Thai restaurant where I was disappointed that I wasted my cheat meal on a super mediocre noodle dish. BUT! I cheered myself up that movie popcorn and chocolate was coming. The movie I wanted to see wasn't at the theater where I thought it would be, so we just bought the popcorn and went home to watch the Crown. The first episode was great as I ate popcorn and dark chocolate almonds. And then I was done. And then I felt a little stomach achy and then worse and worse and worse until I started throwing up.


I'd like to think I'd learn something about eating vast amounts of terrible food too quickly, but I'm sure I won't. After just one day movie popcorn sounded fine again. I made sure to step on the scale the next morning and it showed 2 pounds less---a weight I haven't seen since last year when I was going through the Bod-E Talk program. Naturally, it went back up the second I drank anything, but it was nice to know that it is at least technically possible for the scale to show those numbers.


This week is shaping up to be a challenging one. I have one cheat meal per week, but I need three.
Tomorrow is a work potluck--love those! and on Saturday morning we're going to paint pottery with friends and will probably go to breakfast or lunch---I suppose I can skip going out to food, but in the evening, Dave and I are going to see a play, Pride and Prejudice--my favorite! And I want to finally use our Olive Garden gift certificate and make a really romantic evening of it. I do NOT wish to restrain myself in anyway at Olive Garden. Except just maaaaaybeee I can remember  what overeating felt like last Friday, and try to avoid ruining the play by feeling horrible---but I doubt it.


I really think Friday was a one off. Generally, I have no problem eating like a linebacker. Which brings up an interesting question--do I really want that to change? I love eating huge meals. I suppose it might be wonderful to love eating smaller meals. That IS what I'm aiming for right? Sorta. Funny how addictions work. I'm thinking of my blog friend Sean, who was 500 pounds and used to go to buffets with the idea of destroying them. I've never felt the need to do that--but I wonder if he ever missed it? I think so---he did regain about 160 pounds before he turned himself around again.  It's a whole adjustment of what feelings of bounty and plenty and richness mean to me. It's hard to feel rich about less---but it's only less food. I can still feel rich (I think) when I have skinny jeans, good health, self-confidence and STILL have a chocolate chip cookie.


Other thoughts---this is hard, but this phase is temporary--it's the wearing of the cast so to speak. AND it's a little harder just now because I'm trying to play catch up. Normally, it will just be three pounds a month which gives me a little more wiggle room.


I'm definitely going to enjoy my potluck tomorrow.

November Goal!

Wooot!!!  Hit the November goal this morning (an even 200)! This still puts me exactly where I was at this time last year, but from here on out it will feel more exciting. Even though I know that today's weight is a temporary flux down from yesterday's fast---still it breaks relatively new ground. I've learned that if I see a weight on the scale--either high or low, it's easier to see that weight again.


Yesterday was much easier than I expected. I had to teach a class during the party and there was a meeting right after so nobody noticed that I wasn't there so nobody tempted me by asking if I'd had any. I closed the fast around 5, had a small snack and got Dad. He wanted to go to a Dylan's--a burger place. Poor Dad--it's hard to eat without teeth and burger places are terrible choices. I've offered to take him to a dentist, but he doesn't seem interested.  The best I can say for myself is that at least I didn't order the shake as well. Also helpful, the small tater tots were skimpy. But the salad bar came with really good dense blue cheese dressing. At home I had 1 cookie and a very small piece of brownie.


Today, annoyingly I also have to fast, but not for as long. I have to have my blood lipids tested to keep wellness time here. So the food day looks like this:

Snack after blood work: about 200 cal--whatever granola bar or nuts they have
Walk around track
Lunch: Lamb meatballs, tziki sauce, lots of tomatoes and onions, baguette .
Dinner/snack--during class break.  baguette, 1 oz cheese, baby carrots, s'more yogurt flip.

All this comes in at around 1200. If I'm hungry I'll have something more when I get home--well, almost certainly one of those caramel cookies, but if I'm smart a banana with a little peanut butter would be a smart choice.

One solution...

Today was going to present two problems--an office pizza party and the possibility of taking Dad out to dinner--probably Chinese.  I made myself a big salad to help cope with the pizza and was going to look up calories for the Chinese. But poor Catherine has been sick for a long time (six years now) with a mysterious gastric issue. Being gluten-free helps but doesn't cure. She's decided to go the round of doctors again. They're prescribing all kinds of stuff to clear out her system, but it isn't helping. I suggested that Dave might give her a blessing on Saturday when we're in SLC. She did call, and asked if he could come down today? I am delighted that she asked!!! It occurred to me very belatedly as I was going to bed last night that I could help by fasting for her. Fasting is hard for me at any time, but especially once I've got my food planned out. On the other hand, given that it's Catherine and the magnitude of the problem, it's a trivial enough sacrifice.

Helpful, too is that I've got an appointment and a class to teach during the duration of the pizza party, so it will be easier to skip.

More importantly, fasting and prayer moves mountains. It's moved my family (literally) which was much more difficult than any physical mountain. For God to cure Catherine should be easy.

Emotionally satisfying but

An interesting day. One odd problem with calorie counting is that when I don't need as many calories as I'm allotted, I find it impossible not to eat it all. Whereas if I'm not counting I will occasionally leave the table. Unfortunately, it's not usually a problem--the trouble is usually that I want about triple what I'm allotted.

Today's breakfast and lunch were lovely, emotionally satisfying meals. Breakfast was one of my favorites, 2 eggo waffles with nutella a chopped banana and whipped cream. Lunch was bacon wrapped pork riblets with mashed potatoes and peas. SOOOO  good both. Dinner was also good--spaghetti with sausage meatballs.

All within the calorie limit, but too much just the same. If my body says it's full, then I should honor that.

Tomorrow is problematic, but I have a plan.

One more pound

YAY! down one more pound. Again the scale is stupid, but this time in my favor, so all's well. On friday, I did well as far as sticking to the plan. The weather was horrible when I left work and I was very glad I postponed Riley's visit. I went shopping and while there I did eat a quest bar--I realized that I wasn't going to have dinner till 7:30 or 8 and with lunch at noon that is just too long to go without food. The last thing I want to do is to bring my metabolism to a halt. I bought a few more quest bars and also oatmeal to take to work for difficult days.

Home at last I ate the two pieces of pizza and an apple as planned, but I think it was a mistake. I was ok after the first piece and I knew it. I ate the second one anyway. For dessert I made salted caramel crunch cookies. Those are fantastic! I'm glad I made them because they've allowed me to simplify all cookies from here on out. These cookies are loaded with caramel chunks, pecans and toffee pieces and they came out to 155 calories each.  I'm just going to call all cookies of that size 155 calories no matter what kind they are. It would be very unusual to find a cookie even richer, so I feel safe. I did the same thing with cheese a long time ago----it's 100 calories per ounce or 1/4 cup shredded.

Anyway, Saturday I was down the pound despite having eaten unnecessary pizza. It was a non-counting day and I think I did all-right. We went to a farmer's market and perhaps it was lucky, but they didn't have too much. We bought a dozen range-free eggs. I walked almost 3 miles, I did eat 2 1/2 cookies instead of three but on the whole it was well.

Today is actually working out as a non-counting day as well which was not my intent. I'm having my cheat meal tonight. Blue cheese bacon wrapped ribs and brownies for dessert. YUM! But I had my normal pancake breakfast which is about 400 calories and a very light lunch.  I'm excited to buy my next reward shirt.

The real goal is faaaaaaarrrr away

So I did fine yesterday. My body is reacting by settling in at the new "low"--meaning the goal I hit last week, but not budging below that which is annoying, but whatever.

What I mean by the goal being far away is that when I finished dinner last night (so yummy). I was just barely beginning to get full. There is no way left to myself that I would not have eaten more. A LOT more, and still considered myself as being conservative. And yet, an hour later I felt ok. And after having some diet hot chocolate and 4 chocolate almonds I really was fine.

I know all about the "it takes 20 minutes for the stomach to register that you're full" and I'm already the world's slowest eater, but stopping is still incredibly hard for me. I can't even imagine stopping naturally. Maybe the custom of having coffee after dinner is about helping people to stop eating. I don't drink coffee or tea. The hot chocolate is helping.

Anyway. Today's challenge is having my nephew up for the night. I've promised him pizza and that we would make his favorite treat. Here's the original plan--have about 700 calories for breakfast and lunch and 1000 calories of pizza.  I don't know what kind of pizza we're getting or what kind of a treat he will want. Here's what I can live with:

Breakfast: Oatmeal with blueberries
Lunch: a huge salad with chicken and 100 calories of cheese. Dang it! I forgot the Ken's light Italian Dressing. The lightest dressing package around here has 140 cal. Oh well. (I think the two meals will still total around 700 cal)
Dinner: 2 slices pizza, either one cookie or very small part of dessert, another salad or a fruit if I want to.

Possible change of plans!!
This weekend is just not working out as far as having my poor nephew over! There's a funeral tomorrow--we planned around that. There's going to be a gigantic snowstorm--ummmmm--we can take the train? Now my visiting teachee has had her appendix burst. I want to go to the hospital to see her tonight. I don't want to let my nephew down and it's super important that I don't, but this weekend is simply not working well.

Whether he comes or not though, I think I'll stick with the plan.

Limits--bleh

I'm doing great sticking to plan. But I've just got to say that while I don't mind (too much) counting calories, I don't like counting out the whole day at once. I had to do that yesterday because I had an evening class, and I did it today because I made a really good dinner (lamb/feta/olive meatballs with tziki sauce and I want a solid portion of it! That meant I had to figure out what that would cost me so I would know what I could eat the rest of the day. I usually pack my lunch, so that needs to be known then by default I know what I have to spend on breakfast.

When the whole day is planned then there is an actual red stop sign that says THERE IS NO MORE FOOD!!!  This is IT. That's all there is!! And if it doesn't happen to be enough then I will STARVE and am doomed to be unsatisfied and unhappy for the REST OF MY LIFE!!!

Irrational, I know. But emotions ARE irrational. That's why they're called emotions.  The reality is that I'm quite happy with my food today. I had cracklin oat bran and a banana for breakfast--cracklin oat bran is high cal, but I learned a long time ago that if I want something, I'm happier having a less of that thing than more of what I don't really want. I could also have had 4 mini bacon quiches---but I was full, so I'm saving those for a snack later---this also helps with the NO MORE FOOD feeling. Yes, there is. There are four quiches and I can have them anytime. (Plus, if I'm desperate, I can have a banana, oatmeal or soup and a quest bar)

A word on those quiches. Ironically, I eat MUCH better when I'm trying to lose weight. I don't mean healthier, I mean better and richer. Those quiches are bacon and cheese in phyllo dough. The lamb meatballs are terrific. When I'm just eating whatever, I'll often go for something quick and easy and meh. But if I have 500 calories for lunch--then that lunch is going to be gourmet much more often. Thank goodness for those who create healthy recipes. I like the older weight watchers cookbooks too that list the calories. WW has truly great food, it's just the portions that strike me as ridiculous. 200 calories of anything will not fill me up for lunch unless I'm sick. And I don't need to restrict myself to that extent. Nobody does!!  More ranting on Weight Watchers later I'm sure.