Still going strong. Still stupidly stepping on the scale. The rationale is that I want the earliest notification possible that I met my next goal. But to do that--I have to see all the days---many more than I think their should be, where the scale is stuck at a higher number. It's dumb. I know perfectly well that scales DO NOT reflect recent actions. Whatever.
Yesterday I hit a bit of a sugar wall. No physical reaction, but a solid addictive one. I wanted a giant brownie. Or maybe a huge piece of cheesecake. It helps that I'm planning to have the brownie on Sunday. It also helps to realize that my mind and body are separate. Just because my body wants it, does not mean that I need to have it. It can be tricky, because often if my body wants something healthy, that IS an indication that I need that food. But sugar? No. I'm not going sugar free, and there is still plenty of sugar in my diet. Nobody needs a big plateful of cookies or brownies. But boy, do I want them.
I've started re-reading my favorite blog losingweighteveryday.blogspot.com. I'm reading from the beginning when Shaun weighed 500 pounds. The most helpful thing about it for me is that it helps with resentment against men and the supposed easier time they have with things, especially weight loss. Shaun actually lost 300 pounds by sticking to a 1500 calorie plan. PHEW!! Too little for me. AND he didn't do cheat meals either. He briefly gained back about 160 pounds, but has lost it again and is now a much healthier eater than I could ever imagine being. No sugar for Shaun, and he still tracks what he eats. He's amazing. And I love being able to see a male who has to work harder than I do. This probably isn't the inspiration he hoped to give to anyone, but it helps. It helps.
Wednesday, January 17, 2018
Tuesday, January 16, 2018
Okay but boredom looms
Yesterday did indeed go well. 1750 calories really is enough to keep me reasonably full, and having the food I like makes a big difference. However, that is not the addiction. The addiction is that I want what will make my MIND satisfied. Meaning one cookie was perfectly satisfactory physically, but NOT emotionally. This is an emotional problem. Often the emotion doesn't run any deeper than that I like cookies and enjoy eating them, so pass the plate please!
My history has been that I can do about anything for a short amount of time. But over the long haul? Not so much. This is true of everyone of course. What I'm hoping is to hang onto this until November despite the fog of boredom that is even now looming on the horizon. I HOPE that by then I'll have established a new "normal" of how much I need to be eating on a daily basis. The temptation obviously will be to just go crazy and put it all back--especially with the holidays. To combat this I will join my in the no gain games that are always going on at work. Not gaining over the holidays will be the goal. I'm going to have to be strict about weigh-ins and catch small gains early. I HOPE that the idea that I just need to maintain rather than lose will feel free enough that I can tolerate it emotionally. Between now and then I'd better think up some strategies for what I'm going to do in case it isn't enough.
My history has been that I can do about anything for a short amount of time. But over the long haul? Not so much. This is true of everyone of course. What I'm hoping is to hang onto this until November despite the fog of boredom that is even now looming on the horizon. I HOPE that by then I'll have established a new "normal" of how much I need to be eating on a daily basis. The temptation obviously will be to just go crazy and put it all back--especially with the holidays. To combat this I will join my in the no gain games that are always going on at work. Not gaining over the holidays will be the goal. I'm going to have to be strict about weigh-ins and catch small gains early. I HOPE that the idea that I just need to maintain rather than lose will feel free enough that I can tolerate it emotionally. Between now and then I'd better think up some strategies for what I'm going to do in case it isn't enough.
Monday, January 15, 2018
a good walk
Ok! Not too bad. Yesterday was the "don't count," but intuitive eating day. I did all right in the main. Wasn't hungry for breakfast, but Dave always makes pancakes and there was church to get through so ate a reasonable amount. Had a few almonds and a chocolate and stayed for choir then walked home--about 1,25 miles uphill. Realized that I wasn't hungry and so did not eat. Took a nice sunday nap then WAS hungry so had a snack. Dinner is where I always have the most difficulty. I had made meatloaf, which I love. I'm not sure I ate according to actual hunger, but I didn't have a crazy huge meal. The chocolate cookies afterward were a problem. Definitely ate too many, but I did put them away before I ate them all
Today should be a relatively easy day. We're home for Martin Luther King day and it's easy to count. It's also beautiful outside. We just finished a 3 mile walk. Next week will present some challenges on the weekend. But I have time to think through it.
Today should be a relatively easy day. We're home for Martin Luther King day and it's easy to count. It's also beautiful outside. We just finished a 3 mile walk. Next week will present some challenges on the weekend. But I have time to think through it.
Saturday, January 13, 2018
October goal
Yay! Today the scale nudged downwards and I finally hit the goal that I should have hit at the end of October. This is why I gave myself plenty of wiggle room. I have to laugh/cry/bang my head against the wall--I was reading a few of the posts from 3 years ago. Today I am EXACTLY the same weight as I was then I think this means that I am moving ever so slowly in the right direction as far as changing habits because I'm not gaining weight as I'm getting older. I'm just not losing it either.
Still, I feel irrationally encouraged. It's only the 13th. That means I have two weeks to make a little progress toward my November goal. Just one or two pounds extra each month and I'll eventually catch up with myself.
Not that tonight will help (sort of). Tonight is my cheat meal--and it's a doozy. But I think psychologically, it's a good idea. I need to trust myself that I can and will do what I say I'm going to do. Yesterday, I was genuinely starving, so I ate a banana as I told myself I would. Today, I'll have the cheat meal and also buy myself a new shirt because I hit a weight loss target. It might be a lame target--but it's 100% better than going in the other direction.
Breakfast:
2 eggwhites and 1 egg with string cheese and jalapeno omlette.
2 oz bagette with I can't believe it's not butter
diet juice
Late Lunch: a weird one
large banana with 2 TBLS chunky peanut butter and 1 TBL mini choc chips
1 half of a mini beef stick
2 digestive biscuits (told you it was weird)
Dinner:
pastrami sandwich
jr's
movie popcorn (WITH butter--duh!)
small shake with oreos and other good stuff.
Exercise:
walked 2 slow miles (back is still recovering)
Not counted--putting away the rest of the Christmas decorations, and back stretches.
Still, I feel irrationally encouraged. It's only the 13th. That means I have two weeks to make a little progress toward my November goal. Just one or two pounds extra each month and I'll eventually catch up with myself.
Not that tonight will help (sort of). Tonight is my cheat meal--and it's a doozy. But I think psychologically, it's a good idea. I need to trust myself that I can and will do what I say I'm going to do. Yesterday, I was genuinely starving, so I ate a banana as I told myself I would. Today, I'll have the cheat meal and also buy myself a new shirt because I hit a weight loss target. It might be a lame target--but it's 100% better than going in the other direction.
Breakfast:
2 eggwhites and 1 egg with string cheese and jalapeno omlette.
2 oz bagette with I can't believe it's not butter
diet juice
Late Lunch: a weird one
large banana with 2 TBLS chunky peanut butter and 1 TBL mini choc chips
1 half of a mini beef stick
2 digestive biscuits (told you it was weird)
Dinner:
pastrami sandwich
jr's
movie popcorn (WITH butter--duh!)
small shake with oreos and other good stuff.
Exercise:
walked 2 slow miles (back is still recovering)
Not counted--putting away the rest of the Christmas decorations, and back stretches.
Friday, January 12, 2018
If you're not losing pounds you're losing inches
Feel considerably better today. The visit with Dad wasn't too bad. He looked okay. I'm looking forward to the three day weekend. The one thing I really like about calorie counting is that I can eat anything and feel good about it. Friday night is usually pizza night for us. Tonight we're going to share a wiseguy calzone from the PIE pizzeria. This is one of our favorite things. I couldn't find the exact nutrition facts for that, but based on other calzones I'm guessing half of one (we always share anyway, they're huge) will be about 800 calories. Add a cabbage salad with 10 olives and dinner comes to about 900 calories. That's ok. I had cream of wheat with blueberries and a glass of milk for breakfast, for lunch a can of progresso tomato soup, and a few inches of a French baguette with light brie cheese. I don't have enough calories left to have dessert too, but that's ok. I want to wean off of having dessert(s) every day. Plus, tomorrow I'm having my cheat meal for the week. We're going to the movies to see The Post. I like eating at the theater. I'll probably have a sandwich with jr's (kind of a flat tater tot), popcorn and if that isn't splurging enough, a shake.
Exercise-wise, my back is better but still sore. I walked a slow mile and a half. The race I'm doing is The Tortoise Creep--155 miles through Thailand. Creep is right! Between Christmas, foot problems and back problems, I'm only a third of the way through and I feel as though I've been doing this race forever. I want to get it done because I've got such great races coming up! Next payday, I'm going to buy the Extra-terrestrial race and "run" through area 51.
On yes.fit someone posted this very useful message from her doctor. "If you're losing inches you aren't losing pounds. If you're losing pounds you aren't losing inches". No idea if that's true or not, but I'm taking it as gospel. I think it will help next time the stupid scale is stuck.
Exercise-wise, my back is better but still sore. I walked a slow mile and a half. The race I'm doing is The Tortoise Creep--155 miles through Thailand. Creep is right! Between Christmas, foot problems and back problems, I'm only a third of the way through and I feel as though I've been doing this race forever. I want to get it done because I've got such great races coming up! Next payday, I'm going to buy the Extra-terrestrial race and "run" through area 51.
On yes.fit someone posted this very useful message from her doctor. "If you're losing inches you aren't losing pounds. If you're losing pounds you aren't losing inches". No idea if that's true or not, but I'm taking it as gospel. I think it will help next time the stupid scale is stuck.
Thursday, January 11, 2018
Weight flux
Was doing well heading for my October goal--all set to go buy myself a shirt, when my weight fluxed up on Sunday. Irritating but everything about weight loss is irritating. I tried again today and still not there. Apparently, it wasn't a flux upward but a real gain. Damn.
Oh well. I did fine yesterday. Today is a little hard because I don't especially like what I brought for lunch, but that's not the diet's fault. We just happened to have two weird soupy meals in the fridge that need eaten. What I've got is very heathy, and I can make something more appealing for dinner.
Probably what's really making me feel grumpy today is not the food, but Thursday is the day I visit Dad. That's always a stressor. My big fear is that he won't be able to stay at the Gardens. If that happens we're all up a creek, because there simply isn't the money to go anywhere else. The note from the doctor yesterday wasn't promising. He's got a rash and is even more incontinent than usual.
Sigh. It's not the incontinence that's the problem. It's the fact that he simply doesn't believe that he can/or just can't be bothered to clean himself up after an accident. I do think he's flirting with dementia, but he's always been that way. We know from sad experience that there is no bottom to which Dad will not sink. When he was on his own and his mind was working fine--exceptionally fine, his IQ is probably above 170, he was perfectly content to do his work in a pile of garbage with thousands of cockroaches running around. The Gardens does a good job cleaning up after him. Dave and I do the laundry, but he usually still smells terrible. The doctor is thinking the rash might be shingles. Maybe. Or maybe it's just as simple as bad diaper rash. Bottom-line, it's just plain difficult to go and see him. No wonder I'm depressed today.
Sorry to dump that out there, but hopefully dumping out here will mean less desire to dump food in my body. I want to say that this has never helped in the past, but who knows? Maybe it has. Basically, I have a 50-70 pound problem. I don't have a 200-300 pound problem. That means something's working, or at least is not as bad as it could be.
Breakfast--thin bagel with veggie cream cheese, chocolate almond milk, banana
Lunch--weird "Turkey Pot au Feu" a flavor point recipe, 2 digestive biscuits from England.
Snack: 100 cal popcorn
This gets me to 1000 calories
Dinner--probably a chicken breast with buffalo sauce and blue cheese crumbles. Maybe I'll "fry" (meaning with spray) a potato with onions, and some kind of veggie. I'll see where this gets me calorie wise and whether dessert is on the horizon.
Oh well. I did fine yesterday. Today is a little hard because I don't especially like what I brought for lunch, but that's not the diet's fault. We just happened to have two weird soupy meals in the fridge that need eaten. What I've got is very heathy, and I can make something more appealing for dinner.
Probably what's really making me feel grumpy today is not the food, but Thursday is the day I visit Dad. That's always a stressor. My big fear is that he won't be able to stay at the Gardens. If that happens we're all up a creek, because there simply isn't the money to go anywhere else. The note from the doctor yesterday wasn't promising. He's got a rash and is even more incontinent than usual.
Sigh. It's not the incontinence that's the problem. It's the fact that he simply doesn't believe that he can/or just can't be bothered to clean himself up after an accident. I do think he's flirting with dementia, but he's always been that way. We know from sad experience that there is no bottom to which Dad will not sink. When he was on his own and his mind was working fine--exceptionally fine, his IQ is probably above 170, he was perfectly content to do his work in a pile of garbage with thousands of cockroaches running around. The Gardens does a good job cleaning up after him. Dave and I do the laundry, but he usually still smells terrible. The doctor is thinking the rash might be shingles. Maybe. Or maybe it's just as simple as bad diaper rash. Bottom-line, it's just plain difficult to go and see him. No wonder I'm depressed today.
Sorry to dump that out there, but hopefully dumping out here will mean less desire to dump food in my body. I want to say that this has never helped in the past, but who knows? Maybe it has. Basically, I have a 50-70 pound problem. I don't have a 200-300 pound problem. That means something's working, or at least is not as bad as it could be.
Breakfast--thin bagel with veggie cream cheese, chocolate almond milk, banana
Lunch--weird "Turkey Pot au Feu" a flavor point recipe, 2 digestive biscuits from England.
Snack: 100 cal popcorn
This gets me to 1000 calories
Dinner--probably a chicken breast with buffalo sauce and blue cheese crumbles. Maybe I'll "fry" (meaning with spray) a potato with onions, and some kind of veggie. I'll see where this gets me calorie wise and whether dessert is on the horizon.
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
Hello again
Hello again,
Years later and still the same problem. Have I learned anything? Probably not. But I did a crazy thing. I joined Healthy Wage last September and made a bet. I bet $50 a month until November 2018 (14 months total) that I would lose 36 pounds. If I win I get $1,700 that I will put toward a trip to England. If I lose--then I lose the $700. As overall motivation it's not doing much, but it is motivating me enough to start a real effort today. I lost three pounds in September which is on track--just three pounds every month will get me there with room to spare. I cheerfully derailed during the holidays (Basically Oct 1 thru Jan 1), but gained less than I deserve. That's a double edged sword. I feel that I gain less than I deserve, but I also lose less than I deserve. I should be grateful for my nice weight-stable body, but usually I'm just annoyed. I'm annoyed today. My feeling is that I can eat whatever I want and be this weight. OR I can sweat and starve and be this weight.
My brain knows that this is not true, but I have such a hard time believing it. ANYWAY--the Healthy wager does NOT get me to my dream weight, but only to a hopefully doable 171. Even I should be able to maintain that.
Here's the current plan which will be in effect until Nov 4 which is the last day I can win my wager.
Nov. 1 isn't forever away. As fast as time is flying by it will be Nov 4 tomorrow. This plan is NOT for the rest of my life (I hope). It is to guide me to the plan that I DO want to follow for the rest of my life, which is intuitive eating. I just can't quite do that yet, and I'm telling myself that it's ok. If I had a goal to run a race but I had a broken leg, then I would need to wear a cast and use crutches. This plan is my crutch---uncomfortable, boring, itching and annoying, but necessary.
The exercise part is easy--or will be if I can get past these stupid injuries. I had a bout with plantar facitis (sp?) and now I've thrown out my back. Luckily, walking makes my back feel better. I joined Lady Fitness last summer. The workouts are too high impact for me and I was getting hurt, but I can and do use the treadmills and elipticals. I also want to use the weights more regularly so that I build muscle and prevent my metabolism from crashing to a standstill. I've also discovered yes.fit. These are virtual races that I can complete at my own time and at my own pace. I LOVE these. I've already walked 104 miles around the Ring of Kerry in Ireland, did the Headless Horseman race (about 22 miles), a turkey trot, and am now walking in virtual Thailand for the Tortoise creep (155 miles). The website sends me pictures of where I virtually am at almost every mile, and sometimes links to websites if I walk by something famous. At the end they send beautiful medals and also t-shirts if you order one. I make little booklets of all the races with all of the pictures they sent me. I love these as much as the medals. Also, our new house is right by some of the most beautiful walking trails on earth, so that's a lot of fun.
The food part is a drag, but I want to tough it out till November because I really want to go to England!! 1700 calories a day. Hopefully emphasizing fiber and protein, but not worrying too much if some days emphasize refined sugar and fat. One day a week (probably Sunday) I will not count calories, instead I will try to live how I really want to live as an intuitive eater. Bod E Talk is the best online program I've ever seen. It's intuitive eating with a ton of support. I joined last year and lost a little (got derailed by some incredibly high stressors). On this day I will do my best to eat when I'm hungry (and not until I am hungry), stop when I'm full and go to bed just a little bit hungry. I will also give myself one cheat meal every week so I don't go insane. If I ever feel like just being told what to eat I can do a Flavor Point day, or whatever quack diet strikes me at the time.
Rewards. When ever I hit one of my 3 pound goals--I'm working on October's goal now--I'm going to buy myself some kind of clothing. When I catch up to myself and hit the goal on the month I originally planned to hit it on, I'm taking myself to Hogle Zoo and buying myself something. I know the Zoo is a weird clothing goal to have, but every time I go, I love the shirts and sweaters but I never buy them because the prices are ridiculous.
There will be a couple of happy problems to overcome--a Disneyworld trip in Spring and a trip to Thailand in the summer. Hopefully, I will have lost a little before these events and will have some momentum. Intuitive eating will be the way to go during these times.
And really, the food is not too bad---I also have self given permission that if I'm ever super hungry, I can eat a banana, and/or a packet of oatmeal and/or a quest bar in that order.
I probably won't post food every day here---heck, I don't even know if I'll blog every day. But here's today.
Breakfast--a big bowl of oatmeal with 1/2 apple, pecans and raisins (flavor point reciepe)
lunch--brown rice, veggies with grilled Koran pork and a veggie egg roll
Dinner--during break in class--baguette with butter and really good cheese, 1/2 apple and almonds and m&ms.
All this adds up to about 1500 cal so I can have a cookie when I get home if I want.
Years later and still the same problem. Have I learned anything? Probably not. But I did a crazy thing. I joined Healthy Wage last September and made a bet. I bet $50 a month until November 2018 (14 months total) that I would lose 36 pounds. If I win I get $1,700 that I will put toward a trip to England. If I lose--then I lose the $700. As overall motivation it's not doing much, but it is motivating me enough to start a real effort today. I lost three pounds in September which is on track--just three pounds every month will get me there with room to spare. I cheerfully derailed during the holidays (Basically Oct 1 thru Jan 1), but gained less than I deserve. That's a double edged sword. I feel that I gain less than I deserve, but I also lose less than I deserve. I should be grateful for my nice weight-stable body, but usually I'm just annoyed. I'm annoyed today. My feeling is that I can eat whatever I want and be this weight. OR I can sweat and starve and be this weight.
My brain knows that this is not true, but I have such a hard time believing it. ANYWAY--the Healthy wager does NOT get me to my dream weight, but only to a hopefully doable 171. Even I should be able to maintain that.
Here's the current plan which will be in effect until Nov 4 which is the last day I can win my wager.
Nov. 1 isn't forever away. As fast as time is flying by it will be Nov 4 tomorrow. This plan is NOT for the rest of my life (I hope). It is to guide me to the plan that I DO want to follow for the rest of my life, which is intuitive eating. I just can't quite do that yet, and I'm telling myself that it's ok. If I had a goal to run a race but I had a broken leg, then I would need to wear a cast and use crutches. This plan is my crutch---uncomfortable, boring, itching and annoying, but necessary.
The exercise part is easy--or will be if I can get past these stupid injuries. I had a bout with plantar facitis (sp?) and now I've thrown out my back. Luckily, walking makes my back feel better. I joined Lady Fitness last summer. The workouts are too high impact for me and I was getting hurt, but I can and do use the treadmills and elipticals. I also want to use the weights more regularly so that I build muscle and prevent my metabolism from crashing to a standstill. I've also discovered yes.fit. These are virtual races that I can complete at my own time and at my own pace. I LOVE these. I've already walked 104 miles around the Ring of Kerry in Ireland, did the Headless Horseman race (about 22 miles), a turkey trot, and am now walking in virtual Thailand for the Tortoise creep (155 miles). The website sends me pictures of where I virtually am at almost every mile, and sometimes links to websites if I walk by something famous. At the end they send beautiful medals and also t-shirts if you order one. I make little booklets of all the races with all of the pictures they sent me. I love these as much as the medals. Also, our new house is right by some of the most beautiful walking trails on earth, so that's a lot of fun.
The food part is a drag, but I want to tough it out till November because I really want to go to England!! 1700 calories a day. Hopefully emphasizing fiber and protein, but not worrying too much if some days emphasize refined sugar and fat. One day a week (probably Sunday) I will not count calories, instead I will try to live how I really want to live as an intuitive eater. Bod E Talk is the best online program I've ever seen. It's intuitive eating with a ton of support. I joined last year and lost a little (got derailed by some incredibly high stressors). On this day I will do my best to eat when I'm hungry (and not until I am hungry), stop when I'm full and go to bed just a little bit hungry. I will also give myself one cheat meal every week so I don't go insane. If I ever feel like just being told what to eat I can do a Flavor Point day, or whatever quack diet strikes me at the time.
Rewards. When ever I hit one of my 3 pound goals--I'm working on October's goal now--I'm going to buy myself some kind of clothing. When I catch up to myself and hit the goal on the month I originally planned to hit it on, I'm taking myself to Hogle Zoo and buying myself something. I know the Zoo is a weird clothing goal to have, but every time I go, I love the shirts and sweaters but I never buy them because the prices are ridiculous.
There will be a couple of happy problems to overcome--a Disneyworld trip in Spring and a trip to Thailand in the summer. Hopefully, I will have lost a little before these events and will have some momentum. Intuitive eating will be the way to go during these times.
And really, the food is not too bad---I also have self given permission that if I'm ever super hungry, I can eat a banana, and/or a packet of oatmeal and/or a quest bar in that order.
I probably won't post food every day here---heck, I don't even know if I'll blog every day. But here's today.
Breakfast--a big bowl of oatmeal with 1/2 apple, pecans and raisins (flavor point reciepe)
lunch--brown rice, veggies with grilled Koran pork and a veggie egg roll
Dinner--during break in class--baguette with butter and really good cheese, 1/2 apple and almonds and m&ms.
All this adds up to about 1500 cal so I can have a cookie when I get home if I want.
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