Was doing well heading for my October goal--all set to go buy myself a shirt, when my weight fluxed up on Sunday. Irritating but everything about weight loss is irritating. I tried again today and still not there. Apparently, it wasn't a flux upward but a real gain. Damn.
Oh well. I did fine yesterday. Today is a little hard because I don't especially like what I brought for lunch, but that's not the diet's fault. We just happened to have two weird soupy meals in the fridge that need eaten. What I've got is very heathy, and I can make something more appealing for dinner.
Probably what's really making me feel grumpy today is not the food, but Thursday is the day I visit Dad. That's always a stressor. My big fear is that he won't be able to stay at the Gardens. If that happens we're all up a creek, because there simply isn't the money to go anywhere else. The note from the doctor yesterday wasn't promising. He's got a rash and is even more incontinent than usual.
Sigh. It's not the incontinence that's the problem. It's the fact that he simply doesn't believe that he can/or just can't be bothered to clean himself up after an accident. I do think he's flirting with dementia, but he's always been that way. We know from sad experience that there is no bottom to which Dad will not sink. When he was on his own and his mind was working fine--exceptionally fine, his IQ is probably above 170, he was perfectly content to do his work in a pile of garbage with thousands of cockroaches running around. The Gardens does a good job cleaning up after him. Dave and I do the laundry, but he usually still smells terrible. The doctor is thinking the rash might be shingles. Maybe. Or maybe it's just as simple as bad diaper rash. Bottom-line, it's just plain difficult to go and see him. No wonder I'm depressed today.
Sorry to dump that out there, but hopefully dumping out here will mean less desire to dump food in my body. I want to say that this has never helped in the past, but who knows? Maybe it has. Basically, I have a 50-70 pound problem. I don't have a 200-300 pound problem. That means something's working, or at least is not as bad as it could be.
Breakfast--thin bagel with veggie cream cheese, chocolate almond milk, banana
Lunch--weird "Turkey Pot au Feu" a flavor point recipe, 2 digestive biscuits from England.
Snack: 100 cal popcorn
This gets me to 1000 calories
Dinner--probably a chicken breast with buffalo sauce and blue cheese crumbles. Maybe I'll "fry" (meaning with spray) a potato with onions, and some kind of veggie. I'll see where this gets me calorie wise and whether dessert is on the horizon.
Thursday, January 11, 2018
Wednesday, January 10, 2018
Hello again
Hello again,
Years later and still the same problem. Have I learned anything? Probably not. But I did a crazy thing. I joined Healthy Wage last September and made a bet. I bet $50 a month until November 2018 (14 months total) that I would lose 36 pounds. If I win I get $1,700 that I will put toward a trip to England. If I lose--then I lose the $700. As overall motivation it's not doing much, but it is motivating me enough to start a real effort today. I lost three pounds in September which is on track--just three pounds every month will get me there with room to spare. I cheerfully derailed during the holidays (Basically Oct 1 thru Jan 1), but gained less than I deserve. That's a double edged sword. I feel that I gain less than I deserve, but I also lose less than I deserve. I should be grateful for my nice weight-stable body, but usually I'm just annoyed. I'm annoyed today. My feeling is that I can eat whatever I want and be this weight. OR I can sweat and starve and be this weight.
My brain knows that this is not true, but I have such a hard time believing it. ANYWAY--the Healthy wager does NOT get me to my dream weight, but only to a hopefully doable 171. Even I should be able to maintain that.
Here's the current plan which will be in effect until Nov 4 which is the last day I can win my wager.
Nov. 1 isn't forever away. As fast as time is flying by it will be Nov 4 tomorrow. This plan is NOT for the rest of my life (I hope). It is to guide me to the plan that I DO want to follow for the rest of my life, which is intuitive eating. I just can't quite do that yet, and I'm telling myself that it's ok. If I had a goal to run a race but I had a broken leg, then I would need to wear a cast and use crutches. This plan is my crutch---uncomfortable, boring, itching and annoying, but necessary.
The exercise part is easy--or will be if I can get past these stupid injuries. I had a bout with plantar facitis (sp?) and now I've thrown out my back. Luckily, walking makes my back feel better. I joined Lady Fitness last summer. The workouts are too high impact for me and I was getting hurt, but I can and do use the treadmills and elipticals. I also want to use the weights more regularly so that I build muscle and prevent my metabolism from crashing to a standstill. I've also discovered yes.fit. These are virtual races that I can complete at my own time and at my own pace. I LOVE these. I've already walked 104 miles around the Ring of Kerry in Ireland, did the Headless Horseman race (about 22 miles), a turkey trot, and am now walking in virtual Thailand for the Tortoise creep (155 miles). The website sends me pictures of where I virtually am at almost every mile, and sometimes links to websites if I walk by something famous. At the end they send beautiful medals and also t-shirts if you order one. I make little booklets of all the races with all of the pictures they sent me. I love these as much as the medals. Also, our new house is right by some of the most beautiful walking trails on earth, so that's a lot of fun.
The food part is a drag, but I want to tough it out till November because I really want to go to England!! 1700 calories a day. Hopefully emphasizing fiber and protein, but not worrying too much if some days emphasize refined sugar and fat. One day a week (probably Sunday) I will not count calories, instead I will try to live how I really want to live as an intuitive eater. Bod E Talk is the best online program I've ever seen. It's intuitive eating with a ton of support. I joined last year and lost a little (got derailed by some incredibly high stressors). On this day I will do my best to eat when I'm hungry (and not until I am hungry), stop when I'm full and go to bed just a little bit hungry. I will also give myself one cheat meal every week so I don't go insane. If I ever feel like just being told what to eat I can do a Flavor Point day, or whatever quack diet strikes me at the time.
Rewards. When ever I hit one of my 3 pound goals--I'm working on October's goal now--I'm going to buy myself some kind of clothing. When I catch up to myself and hit the goal on the month I originally planned to hit it on, I'm taking myself to Hogle Zoo and buying myself something. I know the Zoo is a weird clothing goal to have, but every time I go, I love the shirts and sweaters but I never buy them because the prices are ridiculous.
There will be a couple of happy problems to overcome--a Disneyworld trip in Spring and a trip to Thailand in the summer. Hopefully, I will have lost a little before these events and will have some momentum. Intuitive eating will be the way to go during these times.
And really, the food is not too bad---I also have self given permission that if I'm ever super hungry, I can eat a banana, and/or a packet of oatmeal and/or a quest bar in that order.
I probably won't post food every day here---heck, I don't even know if I'll blog every day. But here's today.
Breakfast--a big bowl of oatmeal with 1/2 apple, pecans and raisins (flavor point reciepe)
lunch--brown rice, veggies with grilled Koran pork and a veggie egg roll
Dinner--during break in class--baguette with butter and really good cheese, 1/2 apple and almonds and m&ms.
All this adds up to about 1500 cal so I can have a cookie when I get home if I want.
Years later and still the same problem. Have I learned anything? Probably not. But I did a crazy thing. I joined Healthy Wage last September and made a bet. I bet $50 a month until November 2018 (14 months total) that I would lose 36 pounds. If I win I get $1,700 that I will put toward a trip to England. If I lose--then I lose the $700. As overall motivation it's not doing much, but it is motivating me enough to start a real effort today. I lost three pounds in September which is on track--just three pounds every month will get me there with room to spare. I cheerfully derailed during the holidays (Basically Oct 1 thru Jan 1), but gained less than I deserve. That's a double edged sword. I feel that I gain less than I deserve, but I also lose less than I deserve. I should be grateful for my nice weight-stable body, but usually I'm just annoyed. I'm annoyed today. My feeling is that I can eat whatever I want and be this weight. OR I can sweat and starve and be this weight.
My brain knows that this is not true, but I have such a hard time believing it. ANYWAY--the Healthy wager does NOT get me to my dream weight, but only to a hopefully doable 171. Even I should be able to maintain that.
Here's the current plan which will be in effect until Nov 4 which is the last day I can win my wager.
Nov. 1 isn't forever away. As fast as time is flying by it will be Nov 4 tomorrow. This plan is NOT for the rest of my life (I hope). It is to guide me to the plan that I DO want to follow for the rest of my life, which is intuitive eating. I just can't quite do that yet, and I'm telling myself that it's ok. If I had a goal to run a race but I had a broken leg, then I would need to wear a cast and use crutches. This plan is my crutch---uncomfortable, boring, itching and annoying, but necessary.
The exercise part is easy--or will be if I can get past these stupid injuries. I had a bout with plantar facitis (sp?) and now I've thrown out my back. Luckily, walking makes my back feel better. I joined Lady Fitness last summer. The workouts are too high impact for me and I was getting hurt, but I can and do use the treadmills and elipticals. I also want to use the weights more regularly so that I build muscle and prevent my metabolism from crashing to a standstill. I've also discovered yes.fit. These are virtual races that I can complete at my own time and at my own pace. I LOVE these. I've already walked 104 miles around the Ring of Kerry in Ireland, did the Headless Horseman race (about 22 miles), a turkey trot, and am now walking in virtual Thailand for the Tortoise creep (155 miles). The website sends me pictures of where I virtually am at almost every mile, and sometimes links to websites if I walk by something famous. At the end they send beautiful medals and also t-shirts if you order one. I make little booklets of all the races with all of the pictures they sent me. I love these as much as the medals. Also, our new house is right by some of the most beautiful walking trails on earth, so that's a lot of fun.
The food part is a drag, but I want to tough it out till November because I really want to go to England!! 1700 calories a day. Hopefully emphasizing fiber and protein, but not worrying too much if some days emphasize refined sugar and fat. One day a week (probably Sunday) I will not count calories, instead I will try to live how I really want to live as an intuitive eater. Bod E Talk is the best online program I've ever seen. It's intuitive eating with a ton of support. I joined last year and lost a little (got derailed by some incredibly high stressors). On this day I will do my best to eat when I'm hungry (and not until I am hungry), stop when I'm full and go to bed just a little bit hungry. I will also give myself one cheat meal every week so I don't go insane. If I ever feel like just being told what to eat I can do a Flavor Point day, or whatever quack diet strikes me at the time.
Rewards. When ever I hit one of my 3 pound goals--I'm working on October's goal now--I'm going to buy myself some kind of clothing. When I catch up to myself and hit the goal on the month I originally planned to hit it on, I'm taking myself to Hogle Zoo and buying myself something. I know the Zoo is a weird clothing goal to have, but every time I go, I love the shirts and sweaters but I never buy them because the prices are ridiculous.
There will be a couple of happy problems to overcome--a Disneyworld trip in Spring and a trip to Thailand in the summer. Hopefully, I will have lost a little before these events and will have some momentum. Intuitive eating will be the way to go during these times.
And really, the food is not too bad---I also have self given permission that if I'm ever super hungry, I can eat a banana, and/or a packet of oatmeal and/or a quest bar in that order.
I probably won't post food every day here---heck, I don't even know if I'll blog every day. But here's today.
Breakfast--a big bowl of oatmeal with 1/2 apple, pecans and raisins (flavor point reciepe)
lunch--brown rice, veggies with grilled Koran pork and a veggie egg roll
Dinner--during break in class--baguette with butter and really good cheese, 1/2 apple and almonds and m&ms.
All this adds up to about 1500 cal so I can have a cookie when I get home if I want.
Tuesday, March 24, 2015
Full
I like not counting calories or having every morsel prescribed for me. But I don't trust myself or the system. Am I really eating fewer calories? Enough to lose weight? I don't know. But I think if I stay the course I'll definitely be healthier. I'm trying hard to remember the part about stopping when I'm full. Also, visualizing throwing away food--which I did this morning. I had eggs with the egg burrito topping and it was FILLING. (I also had 3 pieces of bacon which I am not mentioning here). I threw away a good part of the eggs. It's 11:00 and I'm still full, but that doesn't mean I don't want to eat--I don't even know what I would want, it's just a new weird feeling to not want food, but want to eat out of habit. That's just something to keep working on.
Last night I tried making a new soup. Not great. I won't make it again, but I'll bring it tomorrow for a healthy snack. Because it wasn't great, I stopped eating a little earlier than I might have otherwise. I had a reeses egg for dessert. I was genuinely hungry last night, which is unusual for me. I had a small glass of milk and called it good.
Keep on! keep on! Lunch will be good today. leftover wontons! YUM! plus brown rice--so far is normal for me. I also added a slice of cheese--not a great choice, but normal for me. What is more unusual is adding the tomato and onion salad just for the purpose of adding more veggies. The idea is that with the tomato salad I will not need as much of the other stuff. But that means I have to stop when I'm full. Tricky! But I can do it. The thing I don't want to do that I'm afraid of is eating everything as usual PLUS a bunch of extra calories from grains and veggies. Healthy, yes. But buffalo eat plenty of grains and I don't want to look like that!
Last night I tried making a new soup. Not great. I won't make it again, but I'll bring it tomorrow for a healthy snack. Because it wasn't great, I stopped eating a little earlier than I might have otherwise. I had a reeses egg for dessert. I was genuinely hungry last night, which is unusual for me. I had a small glass of milk and called it good.
Keep on! keep on! Lunch will be good today. leftover wontons! YUM! plus brown rice--so far is normal for me. I also added a slice of cheese--not a great choice, but normal for me. What is more unusual is adding the tomato and onion salad just for the purpose of adding more veggies. The idea is that with the tomato salad I will not need as much of the other stuff. But that means I have to stop when I'm full. Tricky! But I can do it. The thing I don't want to do that I'm afraid of is eating everything as usual PLUS a bunch of extra calories from grains and veggies. Healthy, yes. But buffalo eat plenty of grains and I don't want to look like that!
Monday, March 23, 2015
Lots of veggies
I seem to have lost my blogging mojo. But I'm trying hard with the veggies. I hope it will pay off.
Yesterday was Sunday, and I had my usual Sunday breakfast of 1 pancake, fruit and milk.
Lunch: a thin bagel with cream cheese, olives, carrots, baked chips and lite cheese dip (too much dip?) I also meant to eat a banana, but I forgot. Some chocolate almonds. Dinner was meatloaf. I did well. I took a big helping of sweet potatoes (one of the blogs top foods) and a big serving of this eggplant stuff I made. that helped me to only eat one piece of meatloaf. Dave made applesauce cookies---I ate 3 which was too many. But I'm trying. The big problem is always stopping when I'm full. But I think this is helping.
Today--I had oatmeal for breakfast, but I added some pureed sweetpotato and a few pecans.
Lunch: pizza pocket, sm. cabbage salad, beans w tomatoes.
Snack: a protein pack---140 cal of cheese, ham and almonds
Dinner: will be a butternut squash and bean soup--which should be perfect for full plate living.
Dessert might be a peanut butter egg.
Right now it's 4:45--I'm eating a plum and am definitely hungry.
Yesterday was Sunday, and I had my usual Sunday breakfast of 1 pancake, fruit and milk.
Lunch: a thin bagel with cream cheese, olives, carrots, baked chips and lite cheese dip (too much dip?) I also meant to eat a banana, but I forgot. Some chocolate almonds. Dinner was meatloaf. I did well. I took a big helping of sweet potatoes (one of the blogs top foods) and a big serving of this eggplant stuff I made. that helped me to only eat one piece of meatloaf. Dave made applesauce cookies---I ate 3 which was too many. But I'm trying. The big problem is always stopping when I'm full. But I think this is helping.
Today--I had oatmeal for breakfast, but I added some pureed sweetpotato and a few pecans.
Lunch: pizza pocket, sm. cabbage salad, beans w tomatoes.
Snack: a protein pack---140 cal of cheese, ham and almonds
Dinner: will be a butternut squash and bean soup--which should be perfect for full plate living.
Dessert might be a peanut butter egg.
Right now it's 4:45--I'm eating a plum and am definitely hungry.
Thursday, March 19, 2015
lots of veggies
So far so good. I'm liking this, but it's still an adjustment. I love the full plate living website though. It's not enough to just tell me to increase fiber. Apparently, I need really concrete examples of how to do that. Which they give plus receipes. But I'm proud of myself. Last night for dinner we had hotdogs and chips (baked). A marginal meal even by my standards, but I took the advice of the website, and made a quick waldorf salad, AND added carrots AND added a pickle. So I still had a hotdog, but I was ok with one hotdog and what was hopefully a modest amount of chips and dip.
Today I had oatmeal with blueberries for breakfast
zuchinini slices for snack
a ww tortilla with horseradish, a little cheese and lots of veggies, some homemade cheese dip from the healthy cooking mag and baked corn chips. I feel pretty good. I forgot to eat the soup--so I will if I'm hungry, and I was pretty satisfied to eat just one 3/4 of fabulous chocoates that Dave got me yesterday.
Dinner will be a challenge because it's not planned--it's leftovers, of which we have plenty. But the real challenge is that I'm tired and want a nap. It will take real effort if I'm still tired then. But I'll manage!
A few grateful things.
My sweet daughter.
My good job
My darling husband
I also found happify.com and I like the immediacy of their ideas. What has gone right today?
A really good nights sleep
Got the book To kill a Mockingbird (never read it!)
Got to give presentation to Crystal (one of my favorite people)
Psych chapter much easier than others--am finished studying for quiz.
Gorgeous day outside
I had that cheese dip---I love that stuff
Get to draw bulletin board. I love crafty stuff.
Today I had oatmeal with blueberries for breakfast
zuchinini slices for snack
a ww tortilla with horseradish, a little cheese and lots of veggies, some homemade cheese dip from the healthy cooking mag and baked corn chips. I feel pretty good. I forgot to eat the soup--so I will if I'm hungry, and I was pretty satisfied to eat just one 3/4 of fabulous chocoates that Dave got me yesterday.
Dinner will be a challenge because it's not planned--it's leftovers, of which we have plenty. But the real challenge is that I'm tired and want a nap. It will take real effort if I'm still tired then. But I'll manage!
A few grateful things.
My sweet daughter.
My good job
My darling husband
I also found happify.com and I like the immediacy of their ideas. What has gone right today?
A really good nights sleep
Got the book To kill a Mockingbird (never read it!)
Got to give presentation to Crystal (one of my favorite people)
Psych chapter much easier than others--am finished studying for quiz.
Gorgeous day outside
I had that cheese dip---I love that stuff
Get to draw bulletin board. I love crafty stuff.
Wednesday, March 18, 2015
Full Plate Living
A couple things going on. The first is a scary one for me. My left knee is a mess. I can have a total knee replacement any time I want, but it would be better if I can hang on for as long as possible so the replacement has the best chance of outliving me. SO! The thing that has me wigged out is that I should be avoiding all weight bearing exercises such as WALKING. UMMMM---NO! Walking is the one exercise I really do a lot of. I credit walking for the fact that I don't weigh 300 pounds. I don't dare give it up. Besides, I really enjoy doing it. Instead of walking, I should do things like the elipitical or swimming. I hate swimming. But---there is an aqua aerobics class here right after work on Tues and Thur. I can at least get started by going on Thurs--except that I haven't been visiting teaching forever, and we can go tomorrow. Sigh. Campus also has elipticals. I'm just having problems getting there. The excuses are---I had a massive late night last night and genuinely needed a nap during wellness time today. On Friday, I have an appointment with a CPA that I absolutely need to get done. I will be riding the bike at home at least I guess. And I will keep walking to work and back as much as I can. I plan to walk all over Poland, and I won't be able to do that if I just waste away before hand. I can eliminate all jumpy types of exercise and not try to run, but I think that's as far as I want to compromise here. If I need surgery, I need surgery. And then I can get back to doing whatever I want.
Food-wise is discouraging. I don't seem to have the energy to carry on with my plan. BUT I have found the full-plate website. Their big thing is fiber. But what I like is that they are very concrete and gave many examples of meals before and after. The calories are greatly reduced. So a plate that looks like something I would eat has two pieces of lasagne, a green salad and two small pieces of garlic toast. The improved version has 1 piece of lasagne, a big squash and tomato salad and some other big fiber thing. The total was about 1/2 the calories. They also suggest eating an apple before every meal. I don't think I can keep that up forever, but it's helped. I've done well today and have been both full and satisfied.
Food-wise is discouraging. I don't seem to have the energy to carry on with my plan. BUT I have found the full-plate website. Their big thing is fiber. But what I like is that they are very concrete and gave many examples of meals before and after. The calories are greatly reduced. So a plate that looks like something I would eat has two pieces of lasagne, a green salad and two small pieces of garlic toast. The improved version has 1 piece of lasagne, a big squash and tomato salad and some other big fiber thing. The total was about 1/2 the calories. They also suggest eating an apple before every meal. I don't think I can keep that up forever, but it's helped. I've done well today and have been both full and satisfied.
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Still out of whack but fighting.
Just back from a conference which was plenty ridiculous food-wise. The girl who came with me though is a good example. She didn't make a big deal of eating sensibly--she just did. Both people who were with me were very good at what I call simple eating. I don't do this well. I like to feast by which I mean the main dish AND several sides. I don't just want a slice of pizza, I want pizza, salad and breadstick. Not just a burger, but burger and fries. Not a peanut butter sandwich, but sandwich, chips and fruit. And naturally, dessert with everything. Exercise is still way off. I did manage some walking at the conference, but nothing really aerobic since before Christmas. Some of this is genuine sickness, and schedule conflicts, but this is waaaaay too much of a problem. Still fighting though.
Glad to be home, glad to be back to normal food (not much fruit at the conference). Glad to try again another day.
Glad to be home, glad to be back to normal food (not much fruit at the conference). Glad to try again another day.
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