Steak

Counting Saturday and yesterday wasn't bad at all.  I'm really liking this. I feel as though it's gently applying the brakes in a way that works with my body as well as my mind. Don't know if it's resulting in any weight loss--if so, it will be very slowly, but I know it's beneficial---at least SOME control on almost all days and SOME days of excellent control.

Today will be a very well controlled day and it has the bonus of having to get up and shovel snow. It's kind of a funny day though. Flavor Point Day 30. A day of excellent summertime food. It's freezing cold out! But I'm enjoying my snack of apple slices and yogurt.  Tomorrow is a free day---good thing too!  Work Christmas party in the morning and RS Christmas dinner in the evening.

Slippery Slope

Yesterday as difficult as anticipated. I didn't eat the krisy creme doughnuts (not so much virtue as this just doesn't happen to be a weakness of mine), but I more than made up for it with Shandel's spicy crackers--love those things. And Jennifer makes these marshmellow balls that are to die for. Dinner was at Arbys, bad by default, but at least I "only" had jalapeno poppers instead of those AND mozzarella sticks and my own order of fries. Was full enough not to want any goodies at the festival except a chocolate dipped pretzel stick. But the worst sin of yesterday was on the way home when I ate the chocolate truffle Catherine bought. It wasn't that the truffle was so terrible calorically, but that I was really more than full with sweets as well as everything else from the day. I didn't want it, didn't need it, but ate it anyway.  Gave myself a silver star--for effort but with some serious problems.

Today was the ward Christmas breakfast. One of the few times when the people were honestly much better than the food. I'm aiming for 2000 calories today. Shouldn't be a problem, even though I couldn't count the exact amount at breakfast. I wasn't much tempted by any of it (especially the gray hashbrowns).

Next week when I have some time, I'm going to find some other blogs to follow. I want inspiration. Weight-loss blogs are notoriously flaky, mine included. When things are going well, we blog. When not, we go silent. Instead, I'm going to find some athletes--maybe Olympians? Cheer them on toward their goals and maybe follow their "no excuse" kind of example and the joy at fitness brings to them.

a few too many chocolates

Truly only a few too many chocolates, but still.  Yesterday was high-protein, and I was reflecting with satisfaction on how there were some brakes applied to my free day. Too much satisfaction and too few brakes yesterday. It wasn't a bad day, I gave myself a red star.  But there was a small chocolate from the front desk, and another from my own desk, and some dark chocolate from my cupboard, and a uber-loaded hot chocolate because Catherine made chocolate on a stick that you're supposed to swirl in, and a little too much popcorn when I finally came in cold from visiting teaching and wanting nothing more than to sit by the fireplace with something. But overall, much less than I might have eaten otherwise.

Today is "not counting but in control."  Control is tough today---birthday party at work with some goodies I really like, and the festival of trees tonight--literally no healthy food there and probably just a quick stop somewhere for dinner.

An exceptional gold star

Yay!!!   Yesterday's gold star for me didn't come from rigidly following the plan--although I did that for breakfast and lunch. Dinner was supposed to be tilapia, asparagus and oven fries.  I was fully prepared to make that for myself.  Nobody at my house likes fish, so I was planning to make chicken for the others, or even let Catherine make pastrami burgers or whatever.  Instead, when I had got home Catherine had found a different receipe for tilapia--fish tacos from pinterest.  It had a delicious sounding sauce and she compared it to flavor point and her recipe actually had fewer calories. We didn't have tortillas, but we did have baked chips from corn tortillas.  I decided to let her make "fish taco nachos" instead---reasoning that the baked chips would take the place of the oven fries.  Her asparagus receipe was different, but equally healthy too.  and WOW!!  The nachos were REALLY good!  Good enough to make again even when I'm "not" trying.  And it was the best asparagus I'd ever eaten too (baked with olive oil and balsamic vinegar).

So YES!!  A gold star PLUS for yesterday!  Great recipes! Husband and daughter willingly ate a very healthy meal too. Progress toward genuinely learning to like fish and asparagus.  It doesn't get better than that!

Today is high-protien day.  Bacon and eggs for breakfast (never quite fills me up the way I think it should), but sufficient, chicken with buffalo sauce for lunch, good snacks, and I can have hot chocolate--nice when it's this cold!!!

Banana muffins

The buffet was a little smaller than last year, I didn't think I overindulged that much, but I guess I did. I was sleepy and sugar-stupified for most of the day. I didn't want any dinner either. At about 8, I decided that I probably should have something, especially since today is a flavor-point day and I didn't want to come into it overfed. I did all right. Just leftovers, I thought about having two leftover turkey burger patties, but realized that I wasn't really hungry and so just had one with a little cheese and buffalo sauce. I was pleased that even on a "free" day, something made me stop and think just a little bit. 

Today, is Flavor Point day 41. As usual, it takes a whole lot of cooking and planning, but the recipes are great. Flavor Point believes in healthy oils and it makes all the difference--not only taste and satisfaction wise, but feeling overall healthy too.  Anyway, breakfast was 2 banana chocolate chip muffins, and they are really good!  Usually baked stuff made with whole wheat is marginal, but these were great.  Lunch was very simple, but again, super tasty.  Black beans, corn, and tomatoes mixed with oil, balsamic vinegar and cumin, served on a big bed of fresh spinach and a whole wheat english muffin on the side.  I'd like some chocolate to finish it off, but I'll survive.

Later there will be a snack of baked chips and salsa. 

Dinner is not a thrill---tilapia and asparagus. But also oven-fries With oven fries, I can face a good deal. "Dessert" if I want it, will be an apple with a little lemon. That's good practice for me. Although fruits are sweet, I've never really bought the idea of a fruit as a suitable dessert.  That is a good barrier to break.  

Red Star Day

Dave reminds me that those guys eating 3200 CALORIES A DAY, HOW COME I DON'T GET TO EAT 3200 CALORIES A DAY???!!! probably did a whole lot more physical labor than I do. True. And, again, those calories did not often come in the form of rich appetizers, such as I will enjoy today.

I AM liking my new plan. Originally, I had planned today to be from the Flavor Point diet and Friday to be a free day, but I got the invitation yesterday for the LDS institute Christmas lunch buffet.  I love that luncheon! Not just the food, but the atmosphere is wonderful. I suppose in theory, it is possible to eat reasonably, but this buffet features all my big weaknesses---cheeseballs, nuts, mini-meatballs, dips, little desserts.  I'll do my best, but truthfully, my "best" isn't very good in these situations. But it's ok!  I went home and rearranged the order of the days this week.  Now today is my "Free" day.  That means that Friday will be "not counting but in control"--that's a challenge for me on pizza day, but a challenge that I can manage. Better yet, I'm happy to control myself on Friday.  I love that I don't feel as though I'm "cheating" or "blowing my diet" for today. There is a Christmas buffet, but there isn't a sense of failure, or giving up or not trying. I'm doing fine and that feels fantastic.

Yesterday, I did fine as well, but I gave myself a red star for the day (good effort but not perfect). My food actually was perfectly on track. I allotted myself a whole cup of spaghetti noodles and a whole cup of sauce for dinner--plus spaghetti squash and an english muffin.  That turned out to be a super big serving!  I was actually quite full just a little more than half-way through.  But I was entitled to the whole thing and I ate almost all of it despite being full.  I also budgeted for a small slice of cheesecake. I could have done without it, but again, I was entitled! I had Dave bring me a small piece. The piece was still bigger than what I had in mind (still very reasonable though), but I ate the whole thing.  So, technically, it was a perfect day, but because I deliberately overate, I'm calling it a red star day. Good effort and I'm justifiable proud of myself.

Super sensitive!

Yay Monday!!  Actually, I got back on track yesterday because it was fast Sunday. But today I have some measure of control.  I'm just so amazed at how overly sensitive my mind is!!  The past few days I've been thinking about fighting this addiction, and it struck me that that's the right thing to do. I can't tell myself I'm resisting pizza, chocolate, buffalo wings or huge portions. I love all those things! I don't want to give them up---so telling myself anything that smacks of resisting those things doesn't work, because I perceive them as great things.  HOWEVER, I AM interested in fighting an addiction to those things. I like the idea of working toward being in charge of when I eat pizza etc.  It's fine to have pizza on Fridays and to enjoy it. It's not fine to eat 3 pieces when I'm not really hungry simply because it's there and I can't stop myself.  The other happy thought came from the lesson on Joy in church yesterday.  One idea is that there is joy in keeping the commandments.  Indeed there is! I've always known that.

Here's the question...Can there be joy in taking care of this body that God has blessed me with?  Of course yes! But that's hard to remember in the face of so many times when I don't want to take care of it. But there is joy in self-mastery, joy in obedience, and the obvious joy of looking and feeling better. I want to take joy in ruling my body rather than being ruled by it.

All great thoughts. Then in my psych class, looking at the study from world war two when they too 32 men and starved them and then re-fed them to see what would happen.  Sigh.  The three months when they were given a "normal" amount was 3,200 calories! All were around normal weight.  The "starvation" was 1500 cal! The teacher pointed out that the 1500 cal was not well balanced, it was was people were really eating--potatoes and turnips. Also, in the 1940's that 3200 cal was probably not high-fat high, sodium stuff. It was probably mostly organic and certainly not bacon cheeseburgers, fries and movie popcorn.  Doesn't matter.  I hear this and my mind starts shrieking, THEY GET TO EAT 3200 CAL!!!!!   1500 CAL WAS CONSIDERED STARVING!!!

Good grief.  Never mind that this whole weekend I've probably been eating something like 7000 cal of deadly food. Never mind that most of the planet for most of the history of the world eats more like 1000-1500 cal or less.  Darn it!  I was feeling pretty abundant this morning about today's plan (1900 cal--and it's quite plentiful too!), but now I'm not only hungry but feeling put upon as well.  I think I need to re-read that part about self-mastery again.  As I was planning today's food, I was struck again at how crazy it is to have a weight problem.  I can really eat a LOT at this level.  Here's today's food:

Breakfast--malt o meal made w 1/2 c of milk with blackberries.
Snack--5 dates
Lunch--wrap with ham, horseradish, spinach and peppers, 7 olives and some full cal (240) honey greek yogurt.
Snack--bagel with laughing cow cheese
Dinner--1 cup spaghetti noodles, 1 c sauce, as much spaghetti squash as I want, an english muffin with butter and garlic.

That puts me at 1621.  Leaving a little room for a small slice of super delicious pumpkin praline cheesecake. (Thanksgiving was so ridiculously abundant that I haven't gotten around to that yet).

Okay, I feel better for having written that out. It's not just the calories--but the richness, variety and abundance of food today.  I'm hungry now, but that's partly because I'm sure my poor stomach is so stretched out, it's going to take a bit to bring it back to normal. No help for that except to tough things out and be grateful for all I have--because it's a great deal more than most.